slowing the roll

oh yey, how wonderful to see both of your posts! i just got back from my lovely morning walk (or rather, saunter) with roxy. There is honeysuckle down the street that is still blooming despite the creeping cold and it smells so, so lovely. I had one of those 'breathing it all in' moments while i was standing in the park, listening to the birds in the trees, and watching roxy investigate the fence line. i am loving these crisp, clear sky, autumn days. mm mm mmm....

Although so far there has definitely been a lot of work to do at school, I think I've been having it a little easy and realized its about to go full tilt. I haven't had to go to Epi with the rest of the MD class because I take a more population-based class with the other combined degree MPH students. But all that ends today, friends, because today the regular MD kids have their Epi final and then school is pedal to the metal. and then it really will take over my life and I really will be working all the time. i'm so glad i got a warm-up period.

Sometimes I have fleeting moments of feeling lost, or overwhelmed, or daunted which are immediately replaced with centered excitement, and the joys of possibility. my heart and mind feel like a vector---thats right, with magnitude and direction--- I'm sure you're thinking that its not that different than before, but now I'm actually in this, so the thoughts are different. There is a general anxiety at school that sometimes grabs you, interrogating your actions and choices: "Should I be doing something different, something more? Is what I'm doing going to get me where I want to go? Is what I'm doing enough? Am I enough?" But then in the next moment I am totally content and grounded, with clear focus about what I'm doing and why.

I think part of the push pull i'm feeling is that I am committed to fewer things than I've ever been. In truth, this is a relief and I am proud of myself for setting boundaries and prioritizing self care. but those thoughts of, "should I be doing more with student groups? more in the community?" keep creepin' in. And then I breathe, remind myself that its okay to let myself settle in and adjust, and that in my life time, activism for social justice will unfortunately always be around to work on.

I am feeling limits I didn't have before, though, especially with regard to sleep. I actually budget sleep time these days, and amazingly enough, I prioritize it. Though, I think I prioritize if out of fear of not waking up on time more than anything else. Its interesting to be in school with a lot of younger folks who are still figuring out so much about themselves. It makes me realize how much I've grown over these last four years, and how much more grounded and centered I am. hey look at that, I've grown up after all.

So yes, sauntering mornings of smelling honeysuckle and listening to birds in the trees are among my favorite moments of the day. the moments where i can stop, breathe it in, and just feel totally connected and full hearted.


meggie-- a test on everything you've learned so far sounds daunting, but i know you can rock it! take that bluegrass festival break. gotta feed that soul. a good coffee shop is hard to find, but i'm keeping the bench warm for ya at diesel and bloc 11 for whenever you're in town.

phoebe-- hope you and jake had a lovely weekend away. how are things at the house and navigating space with the in-laws?


today i'm going in to shadow the prison doc for my primary care preceptorship. Its generally a mixed bag over there, so I'm sure I'll have plenty to write later.


love love love to you both...

xo liz